Cleveland Cavaliers Roll Craps, Sign A Sixteen Year Old LeBron James
LeBron James The Cleveland Cavaliers have crapped out when it comes to re-signing LeBron James, but that does not mean the team will not have a James in uniform next year. Confused? The Cavs have signed sixteen year old LeBron James from Barcelona, Spain.
The newest member of the Cavaliers team will be brought in to mimic all of the mannerisms of the James that has signed with the Miami Heat. One of the keys to Cleveland signing the younger James was his ability to throw powder in the air without splattering the powder everywhere.
The new James will wear number six, and will be given the old James' parking spot. He will also enjoy the fresh cooked meals, the jet service, and the unlimited amount of Gatorade that the former James liked to have on road trips.
"We feel confident that if we cannot have the original LeBron, that we have found a suitable replacement," said Cavs owner Daniel Gilbert. "The fans of Cleveland will not even know the difference, until of course, the young James starts to play. Frankly, he is not a very good basketball player."
Other teams that were shut out in the LeBron sweepstakes will also make adjustments. The Bulls will put a player in uniform named Slavokir Flashenko. The soviet will wear number six, and at the request of the team, will have the name James printed across the back of his jersey.
The Knicks were perhaps the biggest losers in the LeBron race, considering they had been clearing cap space for over two years. When asked what the Knicks next move will be, one front office executive pointed to the expiring contract of Wade and James in five years and said, "Obviously we may have to move Amare (Stoudemire) to start clearing space for 2016.
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