Cranky Carl Recently, I had a most undesirable experience on the poker tables. My peeps here at CrapsOnline sent me out to play some poker. Usually when I get these type of assignments, I know they are looking for me to explode, or do some whining.

This time, however, was different. They sent me to a local casino here in South Florida with $100 to play some No-Limit Texas Hold'em. Let me start by saying this, right off the bat I knew it was going to be a tough night.

I had not eaten, so I ordered the famous chili that this particular casino excels in. Turns out, the regular cook must have hit one of those there slot machines for a big jackpot, because the chili on this night tasted like s*it, and it was cold.

So I start playing, and I got my usual schmoes at the table. Buddy on the left wants to be Phil Hellmuth, and buddy on the right smells like he's been playing straight through since 1997.

I work my stack up to $235, and noticing the time, I can't believe I have yet to face an idiot or an old bag that takes all my chips. Right on cue, the hand of a freakin' lifetime. I gots a pair of deuces on the big blind.

Position three raises to $12. Being that we are playing in a $1-$2 No-Limit game, four other players call, you know, cause they ALL walked into great poker hands! Ah, my chili is starting to repeat on me right about now.

I call the $12, hoping for a miracle flop. Holy s*it. Flop comes 2-9-9, with two of the cards being clubs. I want the pot, and I want it now, no 9-A is going to suck this one out of me. I bet $55.

Buddy who makes the original raise, bets All-in. For those who were waiting for the Cranky Carl moment, it has arrived. This is the time of the article you tell the kids to go in the other room. I call the All-in, what could he possibly have, a pair of nines? Gimme a break, I'll take my chances.

Buddy flips a pair of nines. WHAT THE F*CK? You damn moron, how could you play pocket nines! Of all the hands you could possibly have flipped, you, the worst player at the table, you walked into a pair of nines! It mattered not at this point that the player had earlier told me of his ailing mother and sister with Lupus. Right now, he was a moron.

Only me can walk into pocket nines when I flop a boat, and don't give me none of that, "I've had that happen to me before," bulls*it. It only happens to me, and that is why I am once again leaving the casino without my $100, and, to cap it off, I was in the bathroom for the next two days thanks to the famous chili!

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