Holy Craps
The most unbelievable crap can be found in our Holy Craps! section. Unreal news about what winners do with their winnings, what losers do to try to win, and other random gambling and casino news can be found here. Many times you will say to yourself, 'No Way!', after reading one of our articles, please let us remind you now, you're right, there is no way any of this crap happened. This previous sentence serves as our disclaimer, so please reread it until you understand that our news articles are spoofs, lampoons, twists, satires, about the casino and gambling industry and MUST NOT be taken seriously.
Saints-Jets Super Bowl Would Make For Fun Governor Bets
- By Rip Wahnlohse
- Published 01/22/2010
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
The New Orleans Saints and the New York Jets are just one win each away
from meeting in the Super Bowl. Should that happened, an anonymous
source has said there will be Mardi Gras beads and hookers on the line
in the traditional bet between state governors.
Alabama Governor Addicted To Petty Gambling Bets
- By Maggie Sweltzky
- Published 01/15/2010
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
Alabama Governor Bob Riley has bucked his own stance on gambling during
the college football playoffs, but if that was not enough, Riley has
now shown himself to be a true degenerate gambler.
Slot Machines Coming To McDonald's Near You - Craps Online
- By Maggie Sweltzky
- Published 10/4/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
For those who want their slot machine gambling quick like their fast
food, McDonald's has just the thing for you. McDonald's has announced
that they will be adding slot machines to their dollar value menu in
December.
Anti-Gambling Protest In Maryland Leads To Million Dollar Lottery Winner
- By Rip Wahnlohse
- Published 10/2/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
An anti-casino protest in Maryland has led to the latest million dollar
lottery winner in the state. Joe Crisbow was marching in the
anti-gambling protest, when he stopped in a convenience store and
bought a lottery ticket.
New Poll Shows Names Starting With "G" Are Lucky-Craps Online
- By Maggie Sweltzky
- Published 09/28/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
A new poll has been released by the highly acclaimed B.S. &
Associates and it shows that men whose names start with the letter "G"
are more lucky than other men. The poll was conducted two weeks ago,
and the findings are stunning.
Holy Craps! Man Cited For Romancing A Las Vegas Casino Slot Machine
- By Maggie Sweltzky
- Published 09/22/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
A man has been busted by officials from a prominent Las Vegas casino
for licking slot machines inside the establishment. Apparently the man
claims he had fallen in love with Cleopatra from the popular slot game.
Online Casino Wins Emmy For Best Entertainment Value
- By Rip Wahnlohse
- Published 09/20/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
It was a strong night at the Emmy Awards for Gloakey Crown online
casino. The casino swept seven awards including Best New Entertainment
Option. Other online casinos were shut out at the awards show.
Six-Sided Dice Receiving Criticism In Las Vegas Casinos
- By Maggie Sweltzky
- Published 09/14/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
Las Vegas casinos have been using six-sided dice since they opened, but
now there is a group that feels like the dice should be replaced. We
Like Eight, a group of freaks who like the number eight, are objecting
to the six-sided dice.
Oh Rats! Lucky Lab Buddy Wins Scientist $250,000 Playing Online Poker
- By Nathaniel Walimar
- Published 09/10/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
Lab test rats are used by scientists all over the world to determine
future human behavior, but for a scientist in Lebanon, one rat has led
to fortune. Dr. Billy Brunwindle had one of his test rats win over
$250,000 playing online poker last week.
Coin Flipping Considered Gambling, Banned By Catholic Church
- By Euguene Hawkston
- Published 09/8/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
Coin flipping is one of the purest forms of entertainment for young
children growing up. Catholic children, however, will no longer be able
to enjoy the pastime after heads of the Catholic church rendered the
game off-limits to its members.Cocaine Becoming Popular In The Online Casino Scene
- By Euguene Hawkston
- Published 09/6/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
It started in the casinos of Las Vegas and has now spilled over to
online casinos. The cocaine craze is sweeping across living rooms where
computers are set up and online slots are rolling across the screens.
Las Vegas Casinos Busted For Giving Steroids To Slot Machines
- By Barney Fruzzle
- Published 08/31/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
The economy has taken a toll on Las Vegas casinos so much that they
have had to resort to illegal activity to try and induce customers.
Authorities have cited several of the casinos on the Las Vegas Strip
for giving their slot machines steroids.
Alantic City Casinos To Charge Entry Fee, Walking Fee, Breathing Fee
- By Barney Fruzzle
- Published 08/21/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
Atlantic City casino have there back against the wall with the economic
recession, and late this past week, they came out swinging. The eleven
AC casinos have now added fees for just about everything including
breathing and walking.
New Computers Coming Fully Loaded With Online Casino Software
- By Euguene Hawkston
- Published 08/17/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
The latest computers from some of the biggest manufacturers in the
business are now coming online gambling ready. New computers, starting
in 2010, will have online casino software already loaded in them.
Free Online Games Trigger Thirst, According To Study
- By Nathaniel Walimar
- Published 08/10/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
Have you ever been playing free online games and had the experience of
being thirsty more than usual? If so, it could be because you suffer
from something called cyber-thirst.
Lizard Causes Jackpot To Hit At Florida Casino
- By Nathaniel Walimar
- Published 08/1/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
A lizard caused a stir in a Florida casino early Saturday when the
reptile hit a slot jackpot at the casino. At first, patrons did not
know what caused the bells to go off, but after security got involved,
it was found the lizard hit the jackpot.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Linked To Casino Gambling Addiction
- By Nathaniel Walimar
- Published 07/27/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
If you thought it was safe to eat Peanut Butter and Jelly, you had
better think again. Unless you want to end up with a serious casino
gambling habit, experts advise to stay away from the childhood
delicatessen.
Detroit Man Pukes Up Lucky Coin That Wins Casino Jackpot
- By Rip Wahnlohse
- Published 07/23/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
Gabriel Peters thought he was having the most unlucky of days Tuesday when he threw up a quarter he had accidently ate the night before, but it turns out it was a lucky quarter. Four hours after the throwing the quarter up, Peters hit a casino slot jackpot with the money.
Online Craps Becoming More Popular With Middle Aged Men
- By Maggie Sweltzky
- Published 07/15/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
OK, so the headline might have been a little deceiving here, but it
does not change the facts. According to a recent poll, it has become
increasing popular for middle aged men to be taking craps while they
are online.
Online Gambling At The Center Of Romo, Simpson Break-Up
- By Rip Wahnlohse
- Published 07/13/2009
- Holy Craps
- Unrated
Jessica Simpson's addiction to online gambling is apparently at the
center of the recent break up of Simpson and NFL superstar Tony Romo.
The quarterback for the Cowboys is alleging that Simpson frequently
made bets online that involved Cowboys games.
